Hi my name is Lismilda and I will be helping you with your paper. Your essay doesn’t have a thesis and it’s a little repetitive. When you use statistics you must be very sure as in you need to have some sources to back you up. A lot of the things you mentioned were more opinions rather than facts. Sometimes you have to be careful when you say certain things. In your last paragraph you mentioned that women don’t have much physical strength which I disagree and also how women do not like to go fishing. I have known many women in my past that enjoys fishing. You are organized, and I think that’s very important when writing an essay. You separated your essay into three parts, and those parts helped me understand your picture. In your first paragraph you speak of the facial structure, I believe that there are women who do have short hair and they look feminine. Maybe you should’ve done some research on what defines masculinity in our society. You should’ve questioned the time era of this picture because it really defines why it could’ve been a woman or a man. If this picture was taken in the 1920’s it would be obvious as to why it’s a woman. Women now are able to dress however they please and they are androgynous. The second paragraph speaks of body language. I think you are right in some parts but again you have to watch out what you say, women and men have different poses or even different body language. How society does portray body language being feminine or masculine? And to correct you, men today do wear pink and they’re not gay. Your final paragraph is based on background; there are many things you probably could’ve picked up. Maybe as in something manly in the back that could define who he is or his gender. There are many misspelled words that you should look at words such as "ruff" for rough and "see" for sea. Overall your essay was okay; I feel like you should do some research and that you should’ve described the background a little better to help your reader understand your intake. To help you further you could always start your first paragraph as a general statement and provide your thesis. The rest of your paragraphs should be describing and backing up your thesis. And last always provide your readers with a conclusion which is one of the many things you lacked.
Hi my name is Elena and I will tell you my opinion about your essay. I think that the introduction is not very strong. You are not telling anything about what this assignment is going to be on. Personally I think that your first sentence is your thesis and I like it but on the other hand it has to be stronger. In your introduction you have to write what this assignment is about, then you have to write strong thesis. Now about your body paragraph I think you describe well your photo. I like how you explain your ideas about men have long and you compare this with women. Also I like “Most of the time Dark, define strong, scary, masculine.” I believe that too, the majority of men they are wearing dark sun glass to show strong and masculine. Also you compare the man’s nose and woman’s nose. I like how you describe the facial structure. About the body language paragraph I think you need more information to write down. You said about how he’s facing the camera, how he’s looking the camera. If I had to write this essay I would say about the body language how his fingers are, how his stage of his body is, his lips and if his photo is successful and what is the message through this photo. I think you did good job about the background. You explain how the background is connected with the man. You didn’t write anything about the conclusion. You should write how much successful this photo and how much you like it. Your biggest strength is your paragraph about the facial structure and I liked the way you connected the man’s facial structure with woman’s structure. I think that you have to improve your introduction and your conclusion. In your introduction you have to write what this essay is going to be base on what, and after that you have to write a strong thesis. Also you have to write a conclusion for example in this essay try to write if you like this photo or if the background is connected with the man. Also you are very organized and this is very important about writing an essay. Also try not to repeat things.
I reviewed your paper, which I accessed by clicking on your link to Description of Photo, and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
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ReplyDeleteHi my name is Lismilda and I will be helping you with your paper. Your essay doesn’t have a thesis and it’s a little repetitive. When you use statistics you must be very sure as in you need to have some sources to back you up. A lot of the things you mentioned were more opinions rather than facts. Sometimes you have to be careful when you say certain things. In your last paragraph you mentioned that women don’t have much physical strength which I disagree and also how women do not like to go fishing. I have known many women in my past that enjoys fishing. You are organized, and I think that’s very important when writing an essay. You separated your essay into three parts, and those parts helped me understand your picture.
ReplyDeleteIn your first paragraph you speak of the facial structure, I believe that there are women who do have short hair and they look feminine. Maybe you should’ve done some research on what defines masculinity in our society. You should’ve questioned the time era of this picture because it really defines why it could’ve been a woman or a man. If this picture was taken in the 1920’s it would be obvious as to why it’s a woman. Women now are able to dress however they please and they are androgynous. The second paragraph speaks of body language. I think you are right in some parts but again you have to watch out what you say, women and men have different poses or even different body language. How society does portray body language being feminine or masculine? And to correct you, men today do wear pink and they’re not gay.
Your final paragraph is based on background; there are many things you probably could’ve picked up. Maybe as in something manly in the back that could define who he is or his gender. There are many misspelled words that you should look at words such as "ruff" for rough and "see" for sea. Overall your essay was okay; I feel like you should do some research and that you should’ve described the background a little better to help your reader understand your intake. To help you further you could always start your first paragraph as a general statement and provide your thesis. The rest of your paragraphs should be describing and backing up your thesis. And last always provide your readers with a conclusion which is one of the many things you lacked.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi my name is Elena and I will tell you my opinion about your essay. I think that the introduction is not very strong. You are not telling anything about what this assignment is going to be on. Personally I think that your first sentence is your thesis and I like it but on the other hand it has to be stronger. In your introduction you have to write what this assignment is about, then you have to write strong thesis.
ReplyDeleteNow about your body paragraph I think you describe well your photo. I like how you explain your ideas about men have long and you compare this with women. Also I like “Most of the time Dark, define strong, scary, masculine.” I believe that too, the majority of men they are wearing dark sun glass to show strong and masculine. Also you compare the man’s nose and woman’s nose. I like how you describe the facial structure.
About the body language paragraph I think you need more information to write down. You said about how he’s facing the camera, how he’s looking the camera. If I had to write this essay I would say about the body language how his fingers are, how his stage of his body is, his lips and if his photo is successful and what is the message through this photo.
I think you did good job about the background. You explain how the background is connected with the man.
You didn’t write anything about the conclusion. You should write how much successful this photo and how much you like it. Your biggest strength is your paragraph about the facial structure and I liked the way you connected the man’s facial structure with woman’s structure.
I think that you have to improve your introduction and your conclusion. In your introduction you have to write what this essay is going to be base on what, and after that you have to write a strong thesis. Also you have to write a conclusion for example in this essay try to write if you like this photo or if the background is connected with the man. Also you are very organized and this is very important about writing an essay. Also try not to repeat things.
I reviewed your paper, which I accessed by clicking on your link to Description of Photo, and you should have received an e-mail with a link to a copy of it with my comments. Also if you sign in to Google and go to Google Docs you should see this document.
ReplyDelete